[Unofficial] Redemption

[BasicallyMental]

Full name: Bobby 'Big Bat' Carabetta
Gender: Male
Age: 33
[/align]

Good day Mr. Carabetta,
We are happy to see your interest in Redemption. The management team will review your application and release a verdict soon.

Kind regards
The Don

[Aspire]

Redemption inc reminds me of Capone Enterprise.
I guess you're expanding.

Good luck.

[BasicallyMental]

Redemption inc reminds me of Capone Enterprise.
I guess you're expanding.

Good luck.

Glad to know you think it all evolves around you.
Thank you for the wishes.

[BasicallyMental]

Full name: Bobby 'Big Bat' Carabetta
Gender: Male
Age: 33

Good day Mr. Carabetta,
We apologise for the wait. After discussion within our management team and a short evaluation on your person, we have come to a conclusion on your application. You have been accepted!
We will be in contact (IG) ASAP.
Welcome

Kinds regards
The Don

[BasicallyMental]

Today we introduce our Cafe, as we were busy through the day we sadly could not take images of our busy service however coming close to closing time we managed to get in some images to showcase our proud business.
Thank you to all the staff that helped in our busy time of launch.
Thank you to all attending our launch.

Spoiler: Images

Kind regards
The Don

[L3ttuce]

OOC
Steam name:L3ttuce
SteamID: STEAM_0:0:171876935
Hour count: 220
No. bans: 7
No. blacklists: 24
No. RPP's: 0
Timezone:BST

IC
Full name: Harrison Black
Gender: Male 
Age: 22
Location: Carleone Road
About yourself: Mafia Member trying to make money anyway he can, money printers drugs, all that. 
Why we should accept you: Have a few friends in the clan and i have based with quite a few people in it. 

[BasicallyMental]

Full name: Harrison Black
Gender: Male 
Age: 22

Good day Mr. Black,
We are happy to see your interest in Redemption. The management team will review your application and release a verdict soon.

Kind regards
The Don

[equal]

I am a little confused as to what you are aiming to achieve and what your intentions are with this organization/clan. You've publicised a roster that somewhat screams Mafia, you claim that you're a family, what's the family name? Redemption Family? Not only that but your ranks stretch from your classic Mafia ranks and then suddenly turns military and then takes a leap into corporate America. So which is it? Mafia, PMC or a company? (I understand that you are running a business alongside)

Your backstory is incomplete and doesn't really explain anything about the organization/clan itself, it's just a quick story about some random dude who half of the people reading the backstory knows nothing about. The rest is pretty much irrelevant.

I am just really confused about what to expect from this organization/clan and it just seems really rushed and unthought through to me.

Someone's gotta say it. =)

[BasicallyMental]

I am a little confused as to what you are aiming to achieve and what your intentions are with this organization/clan. You've publicised a roster that somewhat screams Mafia, you claim that you're a family, what's the family name? Redemption Family? Not only that but your ranks stretch from your classic Mafia ranks and then suddenly turns military and then takes a leap into corporate America. So which is it? Mafia, PMC or a company? (I understand that you are running a business alongside)

Your backstory is incomplete and doesn't really explain anything about the organization/clan itself, it's just a quick story about some random dude who half of the people reading the backstory knows nothing about. The rest is pretty much irrelevant.

I am just really confused about what to expect from this organization/clan and it just seems really rushed and unthought through to me.

Someone's gotta say it. =)

I beg not to be sarcastic. Kinda pisses me off. "Someone's gotta say it. =)"
Thank you however for the constructive criticism. I will work through the points, updating the post for things to make a little more sense. The aim is for it to be a Mafia, rather than a family. The business is a side thing, but easier for me to have everything in one place therefore it being apart of the post.
The backstory was rushed yes, as it was the last thing I did. Didn't even think anyone read the backstory anymore tbh

EDIT:
Backstory was updated to make more sense, explaining as to why we are called what we are and hopefully giving a clearer insight as to who we are and why we are here.

[BasicallyMental]

Full name: Harrison Black
Gender: Male 
Age: 22

Good day Mr. Black,
We apologise for the wait. After discussion within our management team and a short evaluation on your person, we have come to a conclusion on your application. You have been accepted!
We will be in contact (IG) ASAP.
Welcome

Kinds regards
The Don