FUMUKU International

[Eisenhorn]

Just to make it categorically clear regarding the exploding eyeballs issue, seeing as I've had over 40 personal calls from staff requesting legal advice after receiving Mr Malkrins message. Read the fething contract. S:3 (1) that's section 3 subsection 1. I'll even put it here for you.

Spoiler: FUMUKU Liability for contractors

S:3 Exclusion of liability for FUMUKU Internationals' services when contracted.
1)FUMUKU International will not held liable howsoever for any loss resultant of your criminal intentions or failure to follow instruction, neither will we be liable for loss of life, dismemberment, incineration, exposure to toxic substances, death, maiming, radiation poisoning, poisoning, exposure to temporal anomalies, exposure to SCP's, time displacement, paradoxes, theft of organs, torture, illegal detention by foreign governments, credit card fraud, theft of DNA, cloning, exposure to Justin Bieber, prophecies of the Apocalypse, brainwashing, accidental exposure to black holes, deliberate exposure to black holes, exposure to anomalies in the fabric of space, exposure to extra-terrestrials, exposure to demi or full gods, exposure to any malevolent being/life force or any action so resultant from our contractual services, this list is not exhaustive.

The above section applies to contractors hiring FUMUKU Int. services who have experienced exploding/combustible/anomalous eyeball related activity.

This section refers to staff

Spoiler: Liability for staff of FUMUKU Int.

S:4 (1). S:4 Exclusion of liability for FUMUKU Internationals' employees.
1)FUMUKU International will not be found liable for any loss of limb, death or injury caused through the course of your employment, you accept any and all risks 'volenti non fit injuria' due to the nature of our work. If you are so injured FUMUKU International will act in good faith to maintain your health and ensure rehabilitation and any medical treatments required are provided.
This list is not exhaustive.

As per the above you can see we are not liable for exploding/combusting/leaking/missing/replaced by reality warping shifts in the space time/ or any thing to do with your eyes, and we are only obliged to provide you with medical care, now as medical care is not determined or defined in the article allow me to be declarative on the matter. In this instance if you're that bloody ignorant you fail to provide for your own health or follow instructions from our C.E.O. The following treatment will be provided, 1x7.62x39mm round to the base of the skull, this is a permanent cure for any resultant suffering and requires only one administration period. To collect your free medical treatment following the incident contact any of these persons, 'DubWub', 'Toxic' or Z.Massani. Unfortunately Z. Massani cannot provide this service on weekends or after 1630 on Mon, Tues, Wed or after 1400 on any other day of the week, on bank holidays, or religious festivals regardless of faith, or national celebrations regardless of nationality, or in the event of funerals, even if he caused them, or weddings, baptisms, concerts of his favourite band, assassinations of his least favourite band, natural disasters, during any episode of House M.D, ice road truckers, or whilst in an alcohol induced catatonic state whilst watching generation kill, or any other non standard life event.

Yours' faithfully Z. Massani Director of FUMUKU Int. Legal services, and if you ring me again with asinine questions your own personnal fething nightmate. I.D 3514

Take care everyone, and remember FUMUKU Int. will provide for you.