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12-11-2014, 11:00 PM
(This post was last modified: 09-01-2022, 01:03 AM by Fearless Community.
Edit Reason: Fixed Encoding
)
My name is Jokhah, former administrator for Fearless RP. I will be the topic of discussion in this thread. Please stay on topic.
A little back story, I joined here sometime in OCT 2012 I wanna take a guess at. I'm sure my profile would definately tell you the fact on that. Was a BMD most those days, selling stuff and growing weed, pretty aggressive in general. Eventually was offered two things I wanted here. A spot in SAA, and a spot on the team. Started as a moderator, took minges head on with a vengence. Eventually was promoted to administrator, continued to do the job. Ended up taking it too far and started taking jabs at other staff members, devs, and eventually Soul. Now to be fair, I was probably wrong here and there when it came to those jabs, but in a few cases I feel that I honestly should have swung harder. Lets face it, not all of the former staff here were looking out for the best interests of the community. Almost all of these situations were conducted behind the scenes where the players couldn't see and have no real information about them. Soul did what he felt was best and removed me from the team. I left the community for a bit to go elsewhere, never once doing anything that was harmful or in any way to against this community.
During my time away, I helped with issues that this community had against myself, people around me, and even took steps to help protect this community from some of the troubles headed this way. None of that information will be released, don't ask for it because the answer is no. I eventually returned. Since my return I've generally given up aggressive RP, have a better understanding of the balances that must be juggled, and even watched as some players intentionally set things in motion so that they can exploit or take advantage of others. Now I never let this slide and tend to get into debates with said players over their abusive use of loopholes to gain a much unneeded advantage. I personally use loopholes to promote passive rp or to assist players in general. One such loophole is there is an unwritten rule about how you can only play what your playermodel represents. To elaborate, pet RP was considered fail RP, child RP sometimes was considered fail RP. I used a loophole and created a dupe to hide my playermodel inside, and became a vending machine. This RP is glorious not because I have stepped out of the "rules", but because the creativeness I used has opened a door for other players to use to step outside the norm. No I am not asking for praise, I'm just pointing out that there is a difference between exploiting for gain and exploiting for good. In a sense, both of our sides are wrong for using loopholes, but I feel that most people can understand that one is not harmful where the other is.
That all being said, you now have an idea of who your talking to, if not, I'm basically a reformed professional murderer (on the server in an RP sense). Ask anyone who had to deal with the old me if you need more. Ask Grub, who was definately concerned allowing me into the SAA because I was too aggressive. Or don't. Lets get to the actual topic now.
Since my demotion I have been treated like the bad guy. Funny enough most of this doesn't stem from the staff here, but from the players. People have stated that I just come here to cause problems. People have prejudged me because I was demoted even though they really don't know anything about the situation. People have talked down to me because I wasn't around for a time and they have 200 or however many hours. Finally, people have just talked massive trash because I was the admin that caught them breaking the rules and they feel slighted against because they couldn't treat the community with just enough respect not to break the rules.
I have been accused of many things. Rulebreaking, minging, just trying to start problems, ToS violations, attempting to copy FL, cheating, using admin powers for personal gain, you name it. I stand by my ban record. Just one ban there. There were about 4 bans total. 1 Ban was an admin joke (hey ban steam id, which was mine, for blank) 1 ban was completely onesided (still don't miss Ruxandra), 1 ban was a misunderstanding where the admin allowed himself to be blinded by logs without really considering the situation, and the last ban still sits there because I was still new and didn't have any supporting evidence to back my case (even though the ban is completely wrong) and I have to live with that one. So I've beaten 3/4 bans, not too shabby.
Now I've been stomaching this situation for a while. I've had some life changing events that have ended up making me a better person in the end. Changed my ways. Why do I still generate so much hate against me? Why am I the bad guy by default? What have I honestly done that makes this reputation stick to me? It's bad enough that I have to live with the fact that I was demoted, that I messed up and can't fix it, but all the extra grief from people who honesly HAVE NO IDEA what the situation was get to judge me on the soul basis that I was demoted? That so and so said so? Funny enough one of the groups of people that I really really do not like, that I helped with some admin cases of bias against, gets to now say that I'm the bad guy. Even though I proved to be one of TWO admins out of the team willing to even hear them out. That even while all of this has been going on I still quietly try to help protect this community and report issues to the team. Never stopped looking out for the interests of this community. Still help players both old and new with various tasks from RP, building, rule education, and giving away free stuff to the needy when I am averagely below the accepted average wallet and inventory of a player with one third of my hours.
When does this end? When do I get to go back to being a normal player here? When can I expect to just play this game on the server I want to play on without feeling like I'm treated like a tumor?
I suffer from a very common side effect of a real life career decision I made when I was younger. I have PTSD. I live with it every day. When I was an administrator it was extremely bad because at that time I didn't even know it was tearing my world apart. Recently I've started flipping the script on that issue and have been fighting back against it. Fighting to go back to being more "normal". It's hard to face the demons that stalk after you, anyone who has had to do it would understand clearly. Part of me confronting my demons is going to have to be dealing with issues that have yet to be resolved. Since I do have a spine injury, I end up with a lot of time for video games. I am overweight now. I don't do much anymore in my life because of the choices I made when I was younger. What I can do is say enough to something that has gone on much longer then it should. I am not and never was an enemy of this community. I have never done anything that I haven't felt was in the best interest of it. I may not have always been right, but I am a man and can admit I was wrong some of the time. I apologize to those whom I have had a negative impact on and to this community for whatever it feels I have done to bring it harm. I do, however, challenge all of the haters to present the reason for their hate. Bring to the table whatever you feel makes me the bad guy and we can address it. Sadly I already know that most of them will have NOTHING to bring to the table. That they will realize that the judgement they have placed on me has no basis. Hell, if you just want me to leave the community, just state that and your reasoning behind it. If you have anything with real weight, I'll listen and address it. Be warned though, if you have something that you did to deserve it, I'm all out of sugar and will be extremely clear why you have earned what your getting.
With all of that said, I open the floor. Lets end the hate.
A little back story, I joined here sometime in OCT 2012 I wanna take a guess at. I'm sure my profile would definately tell you the fact on that. Was a BMD most those days, selling stuff and growing weed, pretty aggressive in general. Eventually was offered two things I wanted here. A spot in SAA, and a spot on the team. Started as a moderator, took minges head on with a vengence. Eventually was promoted to administrator, continued to do the job. Ended up taking it too far and started taking jabs at other staff members, devs, and eventually Soul. Now to be fair, I was probably wrong here and there when it came to those jabs, but in a few cases I feel that I honestly should have swung harder. Lets face it, not all of the former staff here were looking out for the best interests of the community. Almost all of these situations were conducted behind the scenes where the players couldn't see and have no real information about them. Soul did what he felt was best and removed me from the team. I left the community for a bit to go elsewhere, never once doing anything that was harmful or in any way to against this community.
During my time away, I helped with issues that this community had against myself, people around me, and even took steps to help protect this community from some of the troubles headed this way. None of that information will be released, don't ask for it because the answer is no. I eventually returned. Since my return I've generally given up aggressive RP, have a better understanding of the balances that must be juggled, and even watched as some players intentionally set things in motion so that they can exploit or take advantage of others. Now I never let this slide and tend to get into debates with said players over their abusive use of loopholes to gain a much unneeded advantage. I personally use loopholes to promote passive rp or to assist players in general. One such loophole is there is an unwritten rule about how you can only play what your playermodel represents. To elaborate, pet RP was considered fail RP, child RP sometimes was considered fail RP. I used a loophole and created a dupe to hide my playermodel inside, and became a vending machine. This RP is glorious not because I have stepped out of the "rules", but because the creativeness I used has opened a door for other players to use to step outside the norm. No I am not asking for praise, I'm just pointing out that there is a difference between exploiting for gain and exploiting for good. In a sense, both of our sides are wrong for using loopholes, but I feel that most people can understand that one is not harmful where the other is.
That all being said, you now have an idea of who your talking to, if not, I'm basically a reformed professional murderer (on the server in an RP sense). Ask anyone who had to deal with the old me if you need more. Ask Grub, who was definately concerned allowing me into the SAA because I was too aggressive. Or don't. Lets get to the actual topic now.
Since my demotion I have been treated like the bad guy. Funny enough most of this doesn't stem from the staff here, but from the players. People have stated that I just come here to cause problems. People have prejudged me because I was demoted even though they really don't know anything about the situation. People have talked down to me because I wasn't around for a time and they have 200 or however many hours. Finally, people have just talked massive trash because I was the admin that caught them breaking the rules and they feel slighted against because they couldn't treat the community with just enough respect not to break the rules.
I have been accused of many things. Rulebreaking, minging, just trying to start problems, ToS violations, attempting to copy FL, cheating, using admin powers for personal gain, you name it. I stand by my ban record. Just one ban there. There were about 4 bans total. 1 Ban was an admin joke (hey ban steam id, which was mine, for blank) 1 ban was completely onesided (still don't miss Ruxandra), 1 ban was a misunderstanding where the admin allowed himself to be blinded by logs without really considering the situation, and the last ban still sits there because I was still new and didn't have any supporting evidence to back my case (even though the ban is completely wrong) and I have to live with that one. So I've beaten 3/4 bans, not too shabby.
Now I've been stomaching this situation for a while. I've had some life changing events that have ended up making me a better person in the end. Changed my ways. Why do I still generate so much hate against me? Why am I the bad guy by default? What have I honestly done that makes this reputation stick to me? It's bad enough that I have to live with the fact that I was demoted, that I messed up and can't fix it, but all the extra grief from people who honesly HAVE NO IDEA what the situation was get to judge me on the soul basis that I was demoted? That so and so said so? Funny enough one of the groups of people that I really really do not like, that I helped with some admin cases of bias against, gets to now say that I'm the bad guy. Even though I proved to be one of TWO admins out of the team willing to even hear them out. That even while all of this has been going on I still quietly try to help protect this community and report issues to the team. Never stopped looking out for the interests of this community. Still help players both old and new with various tasks from RP, building, rule education, and giving away free stuff to the needy when I am averagely below the accepted average wallet and inventory of a player with one third of my hours.
When does this end? When do I get to go back to being a normal player here? When can I expect to just play this game on the server I want to play on without feeling like I'm treated like a tumor?
I suffer from a very common side effect of a real life career decision I made when I was younger. I have PTSD. I live with it every day. When I was an administrator it was extremely bad because at that time I didn't even know it was tearing my world apart. Recently I've started flipping the script on that issue and have been fighting back against it. Fighting to go back to being more "normal". It's hard to face the demons that stalk after you, anyone who has had to do it would understand clearly. Part of me confronting my demons is going to have to be dealing with issues that have yet to be resolved. Since I do have a spine injury, I end up with a lot of time for video games. I am overweight now. I don't do much anymore in my life because of the choices I made when I was younger. What I can do is say enough to something that has gone on much longer then it should. I am not and never was an enemy of this community. I have never done anything that I haven't felt was in the best interest of it. I may not have always been right, but I am a man and can admit I was wrong some of the time. I apologize to those whom I have had a negative impact on and to this community for whatever it feels I have done to bring it harm. I do, however, challenge all of the haters to present the reason for their hate. Bring to the table whatever you feel makes me the bad guy and we can address it. Sadly I already know that most of them will have NOTHING to bring to the table. That they will realize that the judgement they have placed on me has no basis. Hell, if you just want me to leave the community, just state that and your reasoning behind it. If you have anything with real weight, I'll listen and address it. Be warned though, if you have something that you did to deserve it, I'm all out of sugar and will be extremely clear why you have earned what your getting.
With all of that said, I open the floor. Lets end the hate.
